While reading The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett, I came across Law 7: Never Compromise Your Self-Story.
It made me stop and think.
Over the years, I have worked with many women who have a low perception of themselves. And often, it isn’t because they aren’t capable, interesting, brave or talented. It is because somewhere along the way, they have created a story about who they are.
I’m not confident.
I’m too shy.
I couldn’t do that.
I’m not that sort of person.
And when we tell ourselves something often enough, we can start to live as though it is true.
It reminded me of something I did many years ago without really understanding why it worked.
When I started my interior design business in my early thirties, I had been at home with my children for six years. I was shy, I people-pleased far too much, and the idea of walking confidently into someone’s home and telling them what I thought they should do with it felt slightly terrifying.
So I created Poppy Baker.
Poppy Baker became the name of my company, but she also became the person I was when I worked.
And I knew exactly who she was.
Poppy dressed in a certain way. She was confident enough to speak her mind. She knew what she was talking about. She was creative, passionate and professional.
Before visiting a client, I would put on my Poppy Baker clothes and something changed.
I felt I had purpose.
I spoke with more confidence.
I trusted my ideas.
And interestingly, people responded to me differently too.
Of course, I can see now that Poppy wasn't really another person at all.
She was me.
She was simply the part of me I hadn't quite learnt how to access yet.
Perhaps that is something worth thinking about when we find ourselves stuck in a story about who we are.
Instead of asking, Why am I not more confident? perhaps we could ask:
Who would I like to become?
What would she be like?
Would she be braver? More adventurous? Better read? Would she finally book that class she's been thinking about? Would she wear the dress she loves rather than worrying whether someone else thinks she is too old for it? Would she speak up when something matters to her?
You could even give her a name.
Then, every now and again, try stepping into her shoes.
Nothing enormous. No dramatic reinvention required.
Just start small.
Read the book.
Wear the outfit.
Say what you think.
Try something new.
Walk into the room as though you belong there.
And see what happens.
Because perhaps the person you are imagining isn't someone you need to become at all.
Perhaps she is already there, quietly waiting for you to give her permission to come out.
Even now, I sometimes like going back to Poppy Baker.
It feels a little like meeting up with an old friend.
Except these days, I know she was me all along.
So perhaps this week, ask yourself a slightly different question.
Who am I — and who might I be if I stopped letting my old story decide for me?
You don't have to change everything about yourself. You don't have to become louder, bolder or completely reinvent your life. Maybe you just need to give another part of yourself a little more room to be seen.
Create your alter ego if it helps. Give her a name. Decide what she wears, what she reads, what she tries and how she walks into a room.
Then borrow a little of her courage.
You might just discover she isn't an alter ego at all.
She is you.
If you enjoyed this, you might also like some of my other thoughts on rediscovering who we are through life's changing seasons at www.tenaciouswellness.co.uk.