We often find ourselves juggling far too many things at once. There’s always another reason why taking time for ourselves feels indulgent—decadent, even—and somehow impossible. We feel guilty for picking up a book that brings us joy or finally saying yes to that long-promised coffee date with a friend.
But here’s what I’ve learned: when we treat ourselves with the same kindness and consideration we so freely give to others, everything else begins to fall into place.
It starts with asking ourselves the awkward questions—the ones we usually avoid. What do I need? What do I want? Not based on anyone else’s expectations or demands, but from a place of honesty and self-awareness. The answers can be surprising, liberating, and even uncomfortable, but they are ours.
From there, it’s about setting boundaries—real, healthy ones. And let me be honest, this didn’t come naturally to me. I spent much time standing in front of the mirror, practising the word no. It felt harsh. I was afraid of letting people down, missing out, or seeming difficult. So I softened it. When I couldn’t quite say “no,” I began saying, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t suit me right now.” It was my bridge to boundaries—and it worked.
Suddenly, I began to reclaim my time, and the world didn’t fall apart. It kept turning. My children might ask, “Is it okay if a few mates come over this weekend?”—which, in reality, meant ten to twenty loud, lively young people descending on our home. Instead of bracing myself for chaos, I’d use my new phrase: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t suit me right now.” Magically, the venue would change to a house of a parent who had yet to discover the quiet power of no.
This isn’t about retreating from the world. It’s about being there with clarity and choice. It’s about carving out space to go for a walk, meet an old friend, or try that new recipe, instead of letting our time be swallowed by the never-ending tide of others’ needs and expectations.
So, let’s choose kindness, not just for the people around us but also for ourselves. Let’s support our friends and lift them up in their moments of struggle, but let’s also take the time to be good to ourselves.
Because when we are good to ourselves, everything else begins to work.