A friend of mine once made an observation that has stayed with me for years.
My older children were still little then, and life felt like a constant juggle of school runs, playdates, packed lunches and trying to remember who needed what, where and when. Looking back now, as I watch my own daughter navigate those same wonderful but exhausting years of parenthood, I realised it was time to pass on the advice that was once given to me.
My friend Jane said there are two kinds of people.
There are the Teflon people. They move through life with remarkable ease. They know how to protect their time, their energy and their boundaries. They don't feel guilty saying no, and somehow very little sticks to them.
Then there are the Velcro people.
They're the ones who volunteer for the school fundraiser, organise the playdates, bake for the cake sale, remember everyone's birthdays, solve everyone's problems and somehow still try to hold together a job, a home and a social life. Everything sticks to them because they care so deeply.
Neither is right.
Neither is wrong.
It's simply how we're wired.
We've spoken before about finding your crowd, and I think this is another reminder that understanding ourselves is just as important as understanding the people around us.
The Teflon people are often perfectly happy to let the Velcro people organise things, because that's where the Velcro people naturally thrive. But if, like Jane and me, you recognise yourself as Velcro, then the greatest lesson you'll ever learn is this:
Know your limits.
It's okay to say no.
It's okay not to make someone else's life easier if it means making your own life harder.
Jane and I still walk together every week. Our children are all grown now, but we often find ourselves laughing about those wonderfully chaotic years. Only this morning we remembered one particular lunch. My son was attempting to launch himself out of his highchair, my daughter was crying, and Jane's son had just pulled over an eight-foot Christmas tree. Another mum quietly appeared beside me, cut my lunch into bite-sized pieces so I could actually eat it, smiled, and carried on.
I've never forgotten that small act of kindness.
Life is busy. Know your crowd. Understand which one you belong to. And if you're one of the Velcro people, remember that even Velcro occasionally needs to let go.
Most of all, never underestimate the power of those small gestures that quietly remind us we don't have to carry everything alone.
Perhaps that's why so many women find midlife unexpectedly freeing. After decades of being Velcro for everyone else, we slowly discover that saying "no" isn't selfish. It's simply making enough space to finally hear ourselves say "yes."
Perhaps you've recognised a little of yourself in these words.
Whether you're naturally Teflon or wonderfully Velcro, the important thing isn't changing who you are. It's learning to understand yourself with kindness, setting healthy boundaries, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate all that you quietly carry.
If this resonated with you, you might also enjoy some of our other reflections on slowing down, self-compassion and rediscovering yourself through life's changing seasons.
You may also enjoy:
- Who Are We? – A reflection on identity, family history and the stories that shape us.
- Self-Compassion – Learning to treat ourselves with the same kindness we so freely give to others.
- Sharing Time with Those We Love – Why the simplest moments often become our most treasured memories.
- Slowing Down This Month – Finding clarity by pausing, noticing and reconnecting with what truly matters.
I'd love to know...
Are you more Teflon or Velcro?
Leave a comment below or come and join the conversation with our Tenacious community. www.tenaciouswellness.co.uk