I am not professing to be a relationship guru. Far from it. In truth, it has taken me years of revising my own strategy to achieve better outcomes when it comes to conflict with the people I love.
In the early years of my relationship with my husband, Andy, he never seemed to notice the subtle clues that I was approaching an emotional eruption. As my accent became stronger in its native Essex dialect, my children instinctively knew it was time to leave the room. Andy, however, would carry on blissfully unaware, continuing whatever he was doing as though nothing was happening.
These days, he spots the warning signs much earlier. He knows when the washing is about to be dramatically flung across the room and a theatrical performance may be about to unfold.
But something else has changed too.
Over the years, I have learnt to recognise those same rising frustrations within myself. Instead of reacting immediately, I try to pause. I take a deep breath, force myself to smile, and ask whether this problem will really matter in a week's time.
One of the most helpful things I ever did was write myself a note.
I kept it in my bedside drawer. It wasn't complicated. It simply listed everything I had to be grateful for and all the wonderful things about the people I love. Whenever I felt myself becoming overwhelmed, I would quietly go upstairs and read it.
That small pause created just enough space between my emotions and my reaction.
As I became better at that, I added another step. Instead of focusing only on how I felt, I tried looking at the situation through everyone else's eyes. Was there another explanation? Was there a compromise I hadn't considered? More often than not, there was.
Perhaps some of this comes with age. Or perhaps it comes from spending years building a life centred around mindful practices. I know now that no relationship is perfect because no person is perfect.
These days I choose to surround myself with people who lift me up, inspire me and bring kindness into my world. I focus on the things that nourish me, set healthy boundaries, spend time creating, and let go of as many of the small arguments as I can.
Do I still get it wrong?
Absolutely.
But I have learnt to pick my battles more carefully, to apologise more quickly, and to remember that the people we love deserve a little grace—just as we do.
Because when all is said and done, it is our perfectly imperfect relationships that make life rich, meaningful and beautifully human.
Thank you for reading my blog,
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