As we navigate the choppy waters of life, it is easy to become disillusioned with how things have gone.
We all encounter hard times.
Loss.
Disappointment.
Rejection.
Failure.
And in an ever-changing landscape, it is easy to start retreating into ourselves.
We become a little more reluctant to put ourselves out there. A little more wary of judgement, rejection or getting things wrong.
Perhaps without even noticing it, we begin protecting ourselves.
And as we retreat, our hearts seem to harden a little more.
By the time you reach my age, it's quite possible you've collected enough knocks along the way to have built a fairly substantial wall around yourself.
A heart hardened like stone.
But what if stepping outside our comfort zone is exactly what begins to soften it again?
Because personal growth rarely happens when everything is familiar and comfortable.
Even negativity and heartbreak can teach us something. They teach us what we don't want. What we won't accept again. Sometimes they teach us when to walk away.
But for every difficult experience waiting for us outside our comfort zone, there are positive ones too.
People we wouldn't otherwise have met.
Places we wouldn't have seen.
Things we never knew we could do.
Perhaps the secret is simply to keep stepping outside the familiar, noticing what positively affects us, and then moving a little further in that direction.
For me, one of those things was skiing.
I've never been a great skier.
In fact, I didn't learn until I was 42, and I was terrified.
I've been five times now, mainly because my children love it and they're all great skiers.
I wanted to be part of it.
I wanted to share the mountains, the snow and the experience with them.
But fear was holding me back.
Then, on one skiing holiday, I met a woman who was 65.
She skied twice a year with her 72-year-old friend.
We got talking and somehow the conversation turned to my fear of skiing.
She listened and then gave me a piece of advice I've never forgotten.
"The problem is you're living in your head. You're overthinking something that's actually quite easy if you mould it into what suits you.
"Stay on the greens and blues. Put your headphones on, play your favourite music and just enjoy the moment."
So I did.
And something changed.
I stopped looking at the people flying past me.
I stopped worrying about snowploughs, parallel skiing and falling.
I stopped thinking about the steep red runs my children were disappearing down and trying to keep up.
Even more importantly, I stopped worrying that I would disappoint them.
I found the runs I enjoyed.
I put my music on.
And I skied.
Slowly sometimes.
Probably not particularly elegantly.
But that was the point.
I'd found my way of doing it.
And perhaps that woman taught me something that had very little to do with skiing.
I'd spent so much time believing that stepping outside my comfort zone meant I had to become fearless.
That I had to conquer something.
Go higher.
Go faster.
Push harder.
But perhaps growth doesn't always look like that.
Sometimes growth is simply finding a way to do something that works for you.
The mountain doesn't care whether I ski a black run or spend the entire afternoon happily winding my way down a blue, looking for somewhere to stop for food.
My children don't need me to ski like them.
And I certainly don't have anything to prove.
The fact that I'm trying should be enough.
I just needed to stop living quite so much inside my own head.
I wonder how many things we stop ourselves from doing because we've already decided how they are supposed to be done.
We tell ourselves we're too old.
Too frightened.
Not fit enough.
Not confident enough.
Not good enough.
Or perhaps we've tried something before and it didn't go particularly well, so we quietly close that door.
And another.
And another.
Until one day we look around and realise our world has become a little smaller.
Safe, perhaps.
But smaller.
I don't think our comfort zones are bad places.
We all need somewhere safe to retreat to.
But I don't want to spend the rest of my life living entirely inside mine.
I want to keep opening doors.
I want to try things I'm not very good at.
I want to meet people who might teach me something.
I want to go somewhere unfamiliar and occasionally feel that flutter in my stomach that says, I'm not entirely sure about this.
Because perhaps that's where life still has the ability to surprise us.
And maybe our hearts don't really turn to stone because of the things that happen to us.
Maybe they harden when we stop allowing anything new to happen at all.
So I'll keep stepping outside the familiar.
Not recklessly.
Not because I have anything left to prove.
And certainly not down a black ski run.
But just far enough to keep discovering what makes me feel alive.
And if it gets a little frightening?
I'll put my headphones on.
Turn up the music.
And find my own way down the mountain.
Before you go...
Perhaps there is something you've been avoiding because you've convinced yourself you're too old, too frightened, not good enough, or simply not the sort of person who does things like that.
Maybe you don't need to conquer it.
Maybe you just need to find your own way of doing it.
Take one small step outside the familiar and see where it leads.
You never know, you might just chip away a little of that stone.
And if you'd like to keep exploring, you'll find more stories, reflections and ideas for living life with a little more curiosity here at Tenacious Wellness. www.tenaciouswellness.co.uk