When I was younger, I spent a great deal of my life searching for approval.
Even when I received it, it never quite felt the way I imagined it would.
As a child, I was often described as clever, funny and always positive. They were lovely words, but somewhere along the way I began to feel responsible for living up to those labels. I worked harder, smiled more, people-pleased, and sometimes even convinced myself I enjoyed things simply because I thought I should.
For a long time, I borrowed my happiness from other people's expectations.
The strange thing is, I don't regret any of it. Every experience, every wrong turn and every version of myself helped shape the woman I have become today.
Then, a few years ago, I made a decision.
I wanted to discover who I really was.
Not who I thought I should be.
Not who other people expected me to become.
Just me.
What surprised me most was how freeing honesty could be. The more honest I became about what I enjoyed—and just as importantly, what I didn't—the more my life began to change. I found people who loved me exactly as I was. I discovered hobbies that filled me with excitement instead of obligation. Slowly, life began to resemble the dreams I once carried as a teenager.
I often think back to that question adults love asking children:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
The truthful answer would have been easy.
I wanted to travel the world in a campervan covered in brightly coloured flowers and wash elephants in India.
Instead, I said what I thought I was supposed to say.
"I want a good job in London."
Neither dream was wrong.
One simply belonged to me.
Today, I no longer apologise for the choices I make because they feel authentically mine. I've learnt that the greatest joy doesn't come from becoming the person everyone expected you to be.
It comes from becoming the person you were always meant to be.
Perhaps that's what I mean by borrowing joy.
Sometimes we spend years borrowing someone else's idea of a happy life before finally giving ourselves permission to create our own.
May you find the courage to stop borrowing joy and begin living a life that feels wonderfully, unapologetically yours.
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can write to me at welcome@tenacious-wellness.com. Every message reminds me that none of us is walking this journey alone.
Perhaps you've recognised a little of yourself in these words.
Maybe you've spent years living up to other people's expectations. Maybe you've forgotten some of the dreams you once held so tightly. Or perhaps you're only just beginning to rediscover them.
It's never too late.
Start with one small question.
What brings me joy?
Not the joy someone else expects you to find.
Not the life that looks good to everyone else.
The life that feels quietly and unmistakably yours.
I'd love to hear what brings you joy and how you're rediscovering yourself in this season of life. Please join us at www.tenaciouswellness.co.uk
Sometimes sharing our stories gives someone else permission to begin writing their own.